First Separation
by Kate Skywalker
Summary: Anakin and Padmé cope with their separation, among other things.


The first of the many separations was even harder that what they've expected.

Padmé was spending her usual lonely night in her senatorial apartment, her thoughts far away, probably on some distant planet, where he was stationed. This time of the day, she mused, was the most hated for the young Senator. Before, she used to be almost giddy when the evening came, for it signaled rest, peace and serenity, a perfect refuge from a busy day in the Senate spent with arguing and mostly corrupt politicians whose main aim was their personal gain. But that was _before_. Before he came back into her life and turned it upside down with a mere, sincere smile. Now, the coming of evening signaled another day of worrying about him.

Her mind was full of the wonderful memories of the perfect day they've spent together at the Lake Retreat, right after their secret ceremony. She relived all those pleasurable moments in her mind and instantly regretted not having him here in person. It has been almost two months since she's last seen him. After their tearful goodbye, she vowed to stay strong and not let her emotions get the better of her, but as soon as she watched his transport disappear from the spaceport, she broke down, feeling suddenly empty, as if a part of her was missing, it almost felt like she couldn't breathe.

She found it unbearable. Even a weekend at her family's home did little to brighten up her spirit and her sister hadn't failed to notice that.

Convinced the trip to her family would make her feel slightly better, she has been horribly mistaken. Quite on the contrary, it made it even worse, for she was forced to face the reality of secrecy they agreed to keep, and, inevitably, the ever-present inquisitive questions about her lack of a social life. Instead of brightening up, she felt bitter, ashamed and furious at not being able to tell the joyous news to her family and stop their ridiculous assumptions regarding her love life. The hardest part was denying any love in her life, just as she's found the right and only man who was so completely and utterly devoted to her and whose feelings were more intense than she ever believed possible.

She left Theed two days earlier.

After returning to the Senate, she began working with a newfound vigor, fiercely trying to protect the best interests of her people in the time of the wretched war that threatened to take away peace, freedom. And her beloved.

_Anakin_

Just saying his name made her blood boil, her pulse race and heartbeat quicken.

_If only you were here, my love. We've had only one day to love each other. There is so much more I want to experience with you._

The sudden beeping of comlink roused her from her musings. Grumbling under her breath, she picked up the annoying little thing and casually clicked on the incoming message, not quite realizing what it said.

She blinked her eyes open and double checked the words, not really sure if she was dreaming. _See you in 10 minutes at the apartment, my love._

_Anakin!_

In ten minutes? But how did he manage to… Not truly caring for the reasons for his sudden return, only praying he wasn't hurt, Padmé practically bounded off the bed and hurried for a quick shower that made her feel very ready to see her husband. _We're practically still newlyweds,_ she mused, grinning. And she intended to act like it. Not bothering to pick elaborate dresses, she went for a light silk backless shift with a generous neckline, imagining Ani's reaction to her simple yet provocative outfit. He would probably blush and gaze at her with utter astonishment. She remembered the first time…

Lightly sprinkling some of her favorite perfume, she headed back to her bedroom, changing fresh sheets, just to make sure. Just as she was about to check the chronometer, she heard the door to her apartment open, followed by heavy footsteps that could be only caused by heavy, leather boots favored by members of the sacred Order her beloved was part of.

Her heart skipped a beat when she rushed out of her bedroom, and saw him in her living room. They stopped in their tracks for a few moments and then, suddenly, they were grinning like idiots and in but a few moments, they were in each other's arms, frantically touching as Anakin swept his bride off of her feet, slowly twirling her around.

Padmé's hands tunneled into his silky hair. She could not notice how rapidly it had grown over the few months he's been away from her. The sides were still the usual short Padawan cut length, his braid still resting on his shoulder, but the top of his head was now covered by a mop of short, golden curls that errantly fell on his forehead. Her hands ran over the chiseled cheeks and then, as if the universe depended on it, their lips touched at long last as Padmé was slowly, surely lowered to her feet, without breaking the loving kiss. Panting into each other's mouths, they reveled in the moment, their worries faded away with every sensual sweep of their lips. At long last, they felt alive, the passion that rested beneath their skin simmered, coming alive under the heated touches of reunited lovers.

Padmé was ravenous, hungry for her beloved and when she uncharacteristically roughly pulled him further down by his Padawan bread, Anakin let out a surprised gasp into her mouth. Not that he minded -it was certainly a nice surprise to see such a dominant side to his usually calm and reserved Padmé. It made him proud to witness the true side of her, a woman in her own right, who was not afraid to claim what was hers. Their lustful kiss was broken only when they felt they needed to breathe properly. Anakin couldn't help but voice his fears.

"Padmé, you can't even imagine how I've missed you, I thought…I thought I wouldn't stand it. When we've agreed to keeping our love secret, I was foolish to hope it would be easier. But it is all worth it and so much more, angel. I do not regret a single moment I've spent with you – you're like my dream come true. And I still can't believe it…" Anakin panted into the scented coils of her lush brown waves.

"Shh, Ani," Padmé hushed her husband, putting her delicate fingers on his full lips.

"Let's not talk about that. I know exactly how you feel, believe me, beloved. I've spent every day and night worrying about you but remember, in this place, there is no room for tears. The war, politics, or fighting do not exist here. It's just us," she mumbled quite seriously into the broad chest of her husband and then lifted her head to look up at him, her big chocolate eyes earnest, slightly glazed and overcome with emotion, Anakin let a small, sad smile graze his face, his live fingers coming to very gently rub the softness of her cheek.

"You're right. Of course, you're right. I just want you to know, my dearest Padmé, how much I long for you, how happy your mere presence makes me, only seeing you makes me fight harder and live another day."

And then, Anakin rested his forehead against hers, their eyes meeting in an intense, half-lidded gaze, their breathing was easily audible in the stillness of the room, the sound of speeders passing in the moonlit Coruscant night their only music.

"Please tell me you can stay the night, Anakin. I need you, tonight, being my husband. I need us to exist in each other," she whispered, craning her neck and standing on her tiptoes, she pressed a sensual peck on his cheek and Anakin wondered, how a simple kiss that is meant to be chaste, could be so erotic. How she opened her beautiful mouth and ran her lips over his flesh before her lips closed over his cheekbone, making a delightful pop on contact.

He was painfully aware of her smooth, curvy form pressing against the hardness of his torso and could feel her small heaving breasts pressing into his stomach, remembering how they felt to the touch and longed to feel them again, to feel her. His curiosity knew no bounds when it came to exploring his wife's secret curves and surfaces, learning what pleased her and what made her sigh with pleasure. He was greedy, to say the least and felt very ready to share himself with her once again.

Padmé came back to her heels and took the gloved hand in hers and with a mischievous smile on her face, led her still newlywed husband to her secret sanctuary. Anakin suddenly felt very nervous, his prowess was still far away from perfect and he desired nothing less for her. He still felt inadequate about his lack of experience in this particular area. Not regretting saving his innocence for his angel, though, he felt awkward for his lack of knowledge, simply because Jedi didn't feel the need to tell their younglings the very basic facts about life.

Trying to shove his fears aside, Padmé was no longer in the same mindset as her husband. Ever since they've lain together for the first time, she has been known as the bolder and more adventurous one, surprising her groom more than once about her willingness in bedroom. While her personal knowledge of such matters was as limited as Anakin's, she grew more confident with every coupling (though there was only a handful of them) and quite enjoyed his presence, his naivety sometimes a source of amazement to her. He was like a blank paper, ready to be written on with her love and care, beneath the tough and cocky Jedi exterior a sensitive and loving heart lay dormant, and she felt proud he entrusted it into her care.

They've reached the dimly lit bedroom and Anakin briefly remembered their conversation, just from a few months ago, when he was newly assigned to protect her and she didn't really seem particularly excited about the arrangement. He, on the other hand, felt ecstatic, joyous to be able to, after a decade of dreaming and patiently waiting, spend time with his childhood sweetheart. Anakin was amazed by the renewed intensity of his feelings after reuniting with her in person, his dreams didn't do her justice – she was even more splendid than he could have ever imagined.

Now, when he had her love and she his name, she represented a bright beacon of light in his life. However the light of his life wasn't so innocently brooding on their situation a few months ago. In fact, Padmé couldn't help but think about more intimate things she was eager to do with her beloved.

Standing together in her room, right beside the ready and waiting bed, Padmé drew Anakin down for another kiss, much more lustful and deeper than the ones he gave her as a welcome. From their place on his chest, her hands ran sensually down over the still clad tabards to settle around his waist where his belt held the robes together. Their lips still engaged in a passionate lip-lock, her deft fingers reached behind his back only to find the snap to his belt and released it, his tunics now hanging loosely on his frame. The lightsaber, belt and leather tabards were shed and Padmé paused to enjoy the moment as she very slowly parted the light tunic, revealing the broad, smooth chest to her hungry gaze.

Lightly teasing her lips over the ridges between his pectorals, Anakin gasped at the feel of her warm, wet lips on his oversensitive flesh. The hands roaming on his torso moved further, mapping the contours of his leanly muscled body, lightly brushing over the long back under his tunic, then continuing down his front, they thumbed the ridges in his belly slowly and at this point Anakin, quite out of breath, broke their kiss, opening his heavy eyes, to watch the path of Padmé's hands as they skirted lower and stilled at the front of his breeches, her learning fingers playing with the laces, until it got loose. Padmé sat back on the edge of their bed and Anakin looked quite astonished, yet he stood, and let her roll down his breeches, along with his undershorts.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable under the intense gaze Padmé was giving his now bared groin, Anakin hunched over and kissed her on her neck. Padmé played along and her hands wrapped around the tops of his wide shoulders, sliding the tunic off completely while Anakin somehow managed to get out of his heavy boots and simultaneously stripped himself of the rest of his clothing. Padmé's skin felt on fire where his large hands touched gently on her hips, they've slowly started inching the hem of her light dress up over her thighs, the double sensation of one warm calloused hand and a slippery cold metal made her shiver with want. Even the subtle, tender touches of his were enough to have her squeezing her thighs together with building need.

Padmé assisted in her uncovering, his progress too endearingly cautious for her tastes, and sat back, her hands finished the work his started and tugged the light dress up and over her bare body, leaving Anakin staring at her, mouth agape, chest rising just a little bit faster and his shaft springing to life just a bit quicker. Her mouth watered when her attention was once again focused around the rampant hardness of her husband and she longed to touch it in her hands, to give him pleasure.

Anakin, possibly sensing her embarrassing thoughts, blushed slightly and moved further on the bed, causing Padmé to maneuver her body into a reclining position among the pillows, waiting for him to come closer. He came to kneel between her bent knees and his infamous nervous lip biting turned into a brief, loving smile just before his hands settled on her beautifully curving hips, hooking around the edges of her tiny, lacy panties and tugging, he sent them away to keep his clothes company in a puddle on the floor. A brief look down to the area he just revealed, he instantly knew she was more than ready to accept him in her.

Padmé decided this has been dragging on for too long, so with no shame at all she splayed her knees for him, propping herself on her elbows.

"Come", whispering her soft entreaty, her hands reached for his waist while his hands settled on either side of her hips and she tugged him to her slightly.

He remained kneeling between her legs, with a perfect view on her beautiful face and writhing upper body, and felt Padmé's hand move in between their bodies to grasp his erection in her small hand, squeezing the pulsing rod gently as if testing its durability, guiding the swollen head to her own waiting place. She fixed his intense stare with one determined look of her own and encouraged him to move.

"Do it, Ani."

Feeling emboldened by her seductive invitation and the unhindered view of them, he moved the tip of himself into her first, gently prodding her with his length and enjoying the moment of joining with his angel, pausing to compose himself and closing his eyes at the pleasure overhead. Padmé moved to splay her hand against his clenched chest, the dark blond hair on his underbelly tickling her own as they pressed together when Anakin slowly buried himself all the way to the hilt inside her. She gasped at the intrusion and flinched, reminding him of the first time he did this to her. How she whimpered and he immediately panicked for hurting her. He remembered how little he felt prepared for this moment. She had to school him instead, showing him how to touch her, how to move, guiding him to pleasure along with her and Anakin memorized all the little things she's shown him during their stay in the Lake Country, hoping to trust himself to satisfy her on his own.

Right now, it was really hard to focus on anything else than on the vice like grip she had on him. Force, she was so tight and wet, very warm and he was trying hard not to spent himself inside her all too soon. It wouldn't be the first time.

Feeling his body slightly more under control, Anakin dared to make the first move, causing Padmé to jerk around him, panting slightly. He took that as a sign it wasn't completely comfortable for her and stopped abruptly, almost withdrawing, until Padmé opened her heavy eyes, teeth biting her lips, she looked down at where they were joined and saw him holding back, his shaft only halfway into her, she fixed his heavy lidded eyes with an intense stare and clenched her newly used inner muscles slightly, to see his reaction. Anakin groaned her name, and cursed under his breath.

"Padmé, please, I won't be able to hold much longer if you keep doing that." His hands stilled her shifting hips and she whimpered impatiently.

"Anakin, don't hold back…I need you, my love."

Surprised by her eagerness, he was determined to take his time, to worship her properly, to show her he memorized what she's shown him but it seemed that their pleasure clouded minds simply needed a release together and right now. Anakin had a feeling that this tryst won't be the slow exploring together as they've had at the Lake Retreat. He was disturbed out of his reverie when his wife's hands stretched and pushed his hips so that he was once again buried inside her fully.

Not wanting to risk her good graces, he started to move, making teasing circles with his hips and then surging inside, frustrating Padmé even more. She wanted to feel him thrusting deep, have his long and heavy body pressed tightly atop hers so she would be able to run her hands over the smooth muscles of his back and tug at his locks gently as the sensations he caused would be too much to take.

Anakin, perhaps sensing her thoughts, contorted his body, leaned down and placed himself fully on top of her and with her delicious lips free for fondling, he started moving his hips in the desired motion, the pace first steady and then becoming frantic just a little bit more with every second.

As the thrusting intensified, so did the whimpers and gasps of the couple. Anakin hid his face into the soft crook of Padmé's neck and his groans were muffled, vibrating along the perspiring skin of his wife. On her part, Padmé gripped his back tightly and wished he would thrust harder and faster, for she needed it, quite violently, not caring it might hurt, craving a swift release so all the tensions, worries, fears and loneliness would fade away and she would be r_enewed._

Her legs tried to assist Anakin's moves as they wrapped much higher than she dared the times before, creating a slightly different angle between her and her husband. Meanwhile, his thrusting was no longer controlled and she could tell his need for release was as acute as hers. His low grunts sounded almost desperate, impassioned moans of her name setting her closer to the edge and the combined feel of him stretching her walls and his chest rubbing over her own oversensitive flesh were too much to bear.

As the explosion came near, the bodies of two young lovers were beginning to clench, muscles convulsing as Padmé watched Anakin brace himself above her, his face stretched in a grimace, torso stretched like a bow when he hit his climax, he continued making slow circles inside her while coating her core with his seed. The slow, twitching movements and the pulsing of his fading erection inside her brought Padmé to her own end of rapture as her back bowed off the bed and her fingers dug themselves into the solid muscles in his shoulders.

She moaned freely, the tension coming off her in waves as relief flew into her body, soothing her mind. Anakin was there with her through all this and just after his own spasms were beginning to subside, he tiredly pressed his swollen lips to her flushed chest, kissing around the shape of her, he made brief contact with the raised peaks of her soft little breasts.

With the last of the waves of the pleasure ending, Padmé opened her eyes to slits and watched as Anakin managed to lift himself off of her, his half-erect shaft's moist tip brushing against her thigh as he moved to lie on his back beside her, flopping on the bed tiredly. Both their breaths were heavy, foreheads wet with perspiration, their minds not functioning properly, only reveling in the shared sensations.

Padmé instinctively rolled over on her side to snuggled closer to her husband's warm body, her legs coming to drape over his thighs, fingers trailing invisible circles on his damp chest, she was more than ready for a good night's sleep. Anakin, however, seemed tense, and when her head lifted groggily, she found him starring at the ceiling. Drawing herself a bit higher, her tender fingers stroked the side of his jaw, gingerly turning him to look at her.

"What's the matter, Ani?"

Sighing, he closed his eyes. "Is it always going to be like this?"

"Like what?"

"Us."

"What do you mean?"

Brows furrowed, Anakin disengaged from her arms and sat up in their bed, moving to sit on the edge of their bed, head burrowed in his hands. She watched him contemplate, the shadows from the blinds and passing speeders creating intricate patterns on his back. Her attention was held by single scar dotting his lower back. It had to new, she wasn't familiar with it and it still looked raw.

Lifting herself up, she came to sit behind him to wrap her slim arms his trim waist, placing her head on his back. With a chaste kiss on his shoulder blade, she inquired.

"Care to explain what's bothering you? You can tell me anything, Anakin. I'm here for you, always."

His sigh reverberated around the still room. "I hate the way we're forced to hide. Pretending we don't feel anything, that we're not married. Not being able to express fears for each other's safety as we should. This is not the way it should be. It feels like we're in some kind of illicit relationship, not married. What kind of marriage is this? I sneak here every few months while I pretend to be a model Jedi, sleep with you, leave, like I'm some kind of your one night stand and then again and again?"

Padmé's grip on him tightened, she was speechless. He was right.

"I do not feel like your husband at all. I have to pretend you don't mean anything to me while I watch other men make advances on you. It makes me mad, Padmé."

"Ani… Do you think I like it this way? That I don't wish to tell everyone? How do you think I feel like when I have to lie right to my family's faces and deny that there is someone who has my heart and soul? It's tearing me apart. But I'll manage, because your strength and powers are so very needed in this Galaxy and I can't have you all for myself. As much as it pains me, we have to keep it a secret. Being expelled from the Order would ruin you, it's your life, it's who you are. And I can't take that away from you because of my selfishness."

"Padmé… I can't exist like this. I want to tell them, the Jedi, let them do whatever they want, I don't care. I don't want to fight their war. All my life I've dreamed of making the Galaxy a better place to live, to abolish slavery so no child would have to experience what I've had to, to protect the innocent and preserve peace, like a true Jedi should. I was naïve. So very naïve – instead of keeping peace, we are in a war, we are the leading Force, the keepers of peace? What a joke, we are those who lead the battles, the fighting, who are responsible for the deaths. Don't you see? We're just an ancient Order trying to preserve itself in an already torn Republic. Mere pawns in this political game. We're torn in between the corrupt Senate and the hypocrite Jedi Council. They preach about the tenets of the Jedi Code yet they break it's very foundations by being a part of this corrupt government. They think they have the right to say what is evil and what not, but at the same time, they commit the same atrocities as the Separatists. Through us, their Generals! We send clones to their death – who gave us the right to exploit them like this? Most of the Jedi, they treat them like droids, they feel no remorse when they fall. I can't just let it go. I can't be like them, I can't…"

Padmé's eyes welled up with tears, she would not shed them, she would not be ashamed to understand his anxiety. She wants to be the support he needs and gets up from the soft bed, coming to stand in front of him, gently lifting his troubled face into her hands. He can see the moisture in her own eyes and listens.

"Ani, have faith, my love. As much as it pains me to hear you lose your trust in the system, please, believe I strive to change things for the better, as much as I can. Knowing you're out there, fighting for the good of this Republic makes me immensely proud, but terrified at the same time because I could lose you to the war I could have avoided before it even started. I blame myself for letting start in the first place. You're right about many things but don't forget that faith is all we have left. Faith in democracy, friendship, trust, love." She accentuated the last word with a very tender sweep of her fingers in his curls.

"I promise to do my best in restoring your hope in the Republic, I'll fight in the Senate, for us, for better future. Just promise me you won't lose your faith in me, and in us," she said very sincerely.

His hands drew her automatically closer, coming to wrap around her hips, pressing his face into her smooth belly. Her hands settled around his head.

"Padmé, I could never lose faith in you. I love you and trust you beyond this world, but it pains me, hiding these powerful feeling inside. I don't want to live this lie, just promise me, it won't be always like this. Tell me we will come out of shadows and live freely, that we'll be a family, that we will show them they were wrong. Tell me and I will believe you."

Something pulled a string inside the Senator at the mention of a _family_, as she was still a young woman, who had her own dreams of the future. A future that surely included her very young and very idealistic husband who was currently resting his golden head in her bosom. They were both so very young and yet they carried the weight of the Galaxy on their shoulders.

Very slowly, Padmé lifted Anakin's head, to catch his pained gaze. "We'll change the world, Ani. We'll come out of the shadows and change their notion of Democracy. And most importantly, we will be a family, Ani. We won't be a secret anymore."

A sad smile has made its way on Anakin's face and he groaned her name, almost weeping with relief.

"Our time will come, Ani. Just not today."

Anakin is placated for the moment by another fierce loving, yet, when he lies beside her afterwards, his long fingers admiring the softness of her back barred only to him, he cannot help pondering on the future, and her promise, made in the afterglow of their passion.


End file.
